You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
