Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
