DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
did i walk over a car last night?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
