He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
