Im at strip club and am horny
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
