no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
