These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
