never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
