You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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