yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
