Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
