There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
