Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
