Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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