Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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