my mouth tastes like poor choices
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize