she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
