I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Vodka?
Forever.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
