The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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