Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
