I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
