i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
worst night to have a conscience
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
