singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize