What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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