I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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