Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
