I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
