I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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