she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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