I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
