I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
