i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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