thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
