I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
