I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
