Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
