I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
