So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize