Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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