My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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