Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
