How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
