If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
