When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
