Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
