The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
