He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
