areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
