why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
