Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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