I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sponge bath it is.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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