Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You don't make any sense
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