btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
