Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
