so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
