i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
