Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
