I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
