I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize