Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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