The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
