she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize