Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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