my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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