lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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