now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize