Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
