If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
40s are totally the cure
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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