he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
