I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
