Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
