That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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