my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
