Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Someone signed my nipple.
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