Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
