i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize