I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
