The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
